catchacold | ICy Inbox for Entranceway

I don't need protection, Raymond. I don't want it, either. Be a hero to those that do.

[Bringing them back to the subject of the mirror. Or perhaps something else.]

[ it strikes again. a boy's name. ]

I'm trying to be your friend. I told you, I don't think there's room for any heroes in Wonderland.

But there's room to be a friend?

[He says nothing for a while, more of a rhetoric question than anything. Instead he watches Ray. Always under scrutiny.]

Why are you so desperate to be a hero?

[ for anna. (no, that's not true anymore.) because you can't sit by and do nothing when people are being hurt. (well except that's exactly what he did while the mirrors were down.) ray sighs, letting his head drop. ]

I don't know.

Don't think I've ever done a thing without knowing why.

It's about the score, Raymond. That's what you have to live with in the end.

[He's silent for a moment, leaning his head back against the wall and looking at the ceiling, his thumb brushing against his little finger and nails dragging along the mattress as he curls his other hand into a fist.]

Or die for.

Sorry. I just don't think that it's for me.

[ words he's heard before, that still don't quite stick with him the way they're apparently supposed to. it doesn't help that it's a concept he thinks he's already tried and failed at living by -- business had never really been his thing despite the fact that he excelled at it. ]

Doing things for a reason isn't for you?

[He doesn't say that this explains a lot. No jab, no joke. Maybe precisely because it really does explain a lot. Not so funny.]

Why are you so angry that I died? Because you didn't get to?

[ he never liked pin the tail on the donkey. being blinded and spun around and unleashed on a room full of people with a sharp implement in your hand? that's a recipe for disaster.

and a little bit how he feels right now, rubbing at his eyes to stop them from blinking so rapidly. ]

That's not-- I didn't say that.

I said it. Now's your turn.

[It's not really his own emotions he's exploring here, so he pushes them aside, instead solely focused on Ray. All the better to drive him into reacting.]

[ well, under that pointed look? ray pretty much squirms, hands looking for any part of the suit to play with. ]

The score. It might be for you and Mick, but that's not how I go through life.

[ but ... isn't it? isn't his sum total based on getting to run bad guys out of the old west, and repair the hull of a timeship? isn't it all to try and make up for that one time he wasn't the hero? ]

Then you don't go through life. You just stumble.

[Or maybe he's dragged. Or, of course, he's not really saying what does drive him. Not as if he owes him any explanation.]

Yeah, well. Maybe I don't mind stumbling.

[ he shrugs, a mostly insolent motion. sometimes ray wishes he knew how to really get under len's skin... ]

Life was pretty empty when I had it all planned out.

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