Drop Out

[catchacold]

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[mostlyajerk]

"Congratulations," Hartley said drily. He felt like an ass, because he wanted to tell Barry that he didn't want to be his friend, he wanted to be more. Of course that could and should never happen, but it was a thought that made the idea of being just friends pale in comparison. Someone else he had to hide his true self and his true thoughts from. He wondered what it'd be like to kiss Barry's cheek. What was it like to be kissed by someone he was in love with? He knew that he should really never find out. "Those are not your pants." Seemed worth pointing out.

[gotspeed]

"Obviously but it's my tie. I know it's mine. I ripped the back when it got caught in the printer last month.." He showed Hartley the rip before opening the last stall and... ew. Great. Barry slowly put his hand into the toilet and pulled out his wet and potentially ruined trousers. Aww man. How was he ever going to afford another pair worthy of this schools insane standards. "Well. This sucks." Barry sighed and held them between his forefinger and thumb, looking over at Hartley with the best smile he could muster. "I really hope this is just toilet water... do you think these are salvageable? I already used up all my free spending money."

[mostlyajerk]

"...wash them and see what happens?" This was disgusting and probably the best way ever to get his head out of the clouds. What a way to make someone seem unattractive. Hartley stepped back, just in case, hoping Barry wasn't planning on coming anywhere near with those pants. "Maybe you can ask the school for a new uniform, they do have a fund for underprivileged students, as far as I know." Obviously not something he had ever had to make use of. "...you can keep my pants."

[gotspeed]

Barry sighed and just dropped them before they weren't worth saving. He supposed he could just ask Wells for the money, he was always good like that. Or Joe. Either one, they always helped him whenever he was in a bind. He knew he had to learn to be more independent but he just didn't have the money for that. He went over and made sure to wash his hands before he got any closer. He knew it was kind of ... gross. "They're just pants. I can always get more. Besides, I don't know about you, but I'm kind of rocking this look right now." Barry smiled that same old smile, not kept down for long as he sort of stood back and appreciated it. "It's gonna be chilly on the walk home but that's the price I pay for being cool."

[mostlyajerk]

"Oh yes. You are being extremely cool." Something perhaps best appreciated without the smell of toilet in the air as pronounced as it was right now. Hartley opened the door to try and escape that a little, leaning back against it. "I'm sorry the others treat you like this, Barry. But when you've finished school and if you ever need a project funded, please don't hesitate to come to me."

It was a big gesture from his point of view.

[gotspeed]

"I'll be okay, I don't really want to do the whole project stuff. I want to work for the police." Something everyone tended to look at him funny over, given the high end science program he was doing. All those skills and all that knowledge and he still wanted to be a CSI. He moved away from the toilets, his clothes abandoned in there as he took off back towards his locker. "Thanks though, it's really cool. You're been so good to me."

He turned his head to the side and smiled faintly. "I know I'm a bit of a loser but you're kind enough not to point it out. That's better than most."

[mostlyajerk]

"The police can probably use someone smart like you." Hartley smiled a little and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really have that much room to talk, given-- "I wanted to be a musician for a while." Sometimes he daydreamed about it still, but in that far away style. Similar to how he thought about boys, he supposed. About love. It was something for other people. He had concrete goals to focus on, but sometimes a little dreaming on the side helped him keep going. "I don't think you're a loser, Barry."

[gotspeed]

"I've heard you play, you'd be an amazing musician. You should go for it. I heard you playing the flute while I was in the hall not long ago, it was amazing." He smiled at Hartley and bumped his shoulders against his, their hands briefly touching, almost holding. "Are you still free?" Given neither of them had class now but nothing got out until another hour, he was just wondering how much more of Hartley's time he could steal.

[mostlyajerk]

Hartley opened his mouth to tell Barry that he obviously could not be a musician for various reasons, but his mind reeled from the suddenly gained knowledge that Barry had heard him play and that he liked it. What was worse, Barry was suddenly so close. He had to get out of this. He had to get away from him quickly. "I have music practise scheduled, actually."

[gotspeed]

"You do? Can I come watch you?" Barry asked curiously because he really did like the way that Hartley played. It wasn't often he heard the flute these days. He tilted his head to the side and gave Hartley a frown... why did he look like he was having a melt down? His eye was almost twitching. "I don't have to! It'd just be cool. I can show you my skills. I can kind of play guitar and I sing."

[mostlyajerk]

"No, it's fine." He so wasn't ready to hear Barry sing or play anything, because whether he was good or bad, it would have effects he really didn't want. A distant, pleasant crush, was that really too much to ask for? Hartley couldn't think of a reason to tell him not to come, so here he was, stuck. "Of course you can come watch. It's not going to be very interesting, I just try to get some free time every day." Free time was practise time for him.

[gotspeed]

"Brilliant." It wasn't far to the music room and Barry rushed ahead to hold the door open for Hartley. Once they were inside, Barry wandered around the room, pausing a the guitar and playfully running his fingers along the strings. "So does the school own these or do people own them?" He turned around and almost fell into the drum kit, only just stopping the cymbal from falling. "... Sorry, my bad!"

[mostlyajerk]

"They're owned by the school." Hartley took his bag off and pulled out his flute, opening the case. He held it up and put it together, looking at Barry. "I own the flute." It wasn't as expensive as it could have been, under the thousand dollar price tag, but it had a beautiful sound and look, so he was very happy with it even so. "Try not to break anything school owned. I'm only allowed to use the room without supervision because of my good track record." He smirked briefly. "And because of how much money my parents give the school."

[gotspeed]

"It's beautiful." He moved away from all the breakable things and sat himself down, pulling the guitar with him so he had something to play with. He strummed it and then winced... it wasn't well tuned. He started tightening one of the strings and looked at Hartley, smiling at him. "Play for me!" Well, he was a demanding guy, what could he say? He wanted to hear him. "Play that one you played last time when I walked by, it was great. It was sort of like..." He started to try and hum it. It wasn't massively helpful.

[mostlyajerk]

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but I can assure you it's not resembling any song I've ever played." What? No need to lie to him, just because he was cute. Hartley put the mouthpiece on and led it to his lips and started playing. It was difficult to pretend that Barry wasn't listening to him, but he did his best. Playing music for the guy he liked. His life couldn't get worse while still fulfilling his dreams.

[gotspeed]

Barry listened to him, his leg getting pulled up as he simply hugged his one leg and listened to him with such attention and admiration, he was in awe of the way he played and the look on his face as he did it. He was nervous, he could tell but he could also tell Hartley enjoyed it. Once he finished, Barry clapped his hands playfully. "Amazing!" He laughed and dropped his leg back down. "You're so good."

[mostlyajerk]

"You're sweet. Thank you." Hartley knew his blush must be amazingly obvious right now,but for just a few moments as he met Barry's eyes, it didn't even seem to matter. He wished he could just kiss him. He wished there wouldn't be consequences. Maybe it was the high from playing his music or maybe he was just incredibly stupid, but either way, Hartley leaned forward, put a hand on Barry's upper arm and, yes, he was definitely kissing him now.

Damn.

[gotspeed]

Oh. Okay. So this was happening? Cool, cool, he was just ... kissing Hartley. Barry wasn't sure what to do or when this had evolved this way but he found himself kissing back. He was a little dumbfounded by the whole thing and when they broke away, he mostly just stared at Hartley. "Huh." That was his first kiss. And it was with a boy and not Iris. He so wouldn't have ever of predicted that. "Awesome." ... Well, he could have said worse things.

[mostlyajerk]

Barry actually liked it? That was even worse. Better? No, no, it was definitely worse. Hartley pulled away, actually moved quite a bit away, just in case he suddenly had urges he couldn't control again. It had been a good kiss. Damn. He should not have done this. "I'm sorry." This was so bad. So very bad. "I'm... I shouldn't have! I'm sorry."

[gotspeed]

"No, it's okay. It was... nice. I think. I'm sorry! I've never kissed before. It was really good for a first kiss but I don't have any references." Barry admittedly sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. Hartley liked him? Well, good, he liked Hartley. He wasn't sure how much but he was a good person, he really did play beautifully and he always had his back. "I'm glad you like me." He looked at Hartley before he slid out of his seat and came closer to Hartley. "You do like me right?"

[mostlyajerk]

Barry was adorable. Hartley hoped there was someone to tell him that as often as it had to be said. His chest hurt and he hadn't really been prepared to deal with that. His fault for kissing him. Things had been easier when he hadn't been sure whether Barry... Anything. "I like you." That seemed fairly obvious at this juncture. "I still shouldn't have kissed you. It won't happen again."

[gotspeed]

"If you liked me when why -- I'm okay with it, you know that, right? Like. If you wanted to again. I liked it." Barry smiled shyly, feeling very awkward and trying to grasp why it wouldn't happen again. Did Hartley not want him? Did he do it badly? Was he misreading this? Oh man, this was a sudden headache and he felt a strange surge of confusion that didn't die down. He reached out and caught Hartley's arm gently. "I like you too."

[mostlyajerk]

Right, he was going to start crying. This couldn't possibly be fair. He even understood how Barry wasn't grasping this. He wasn't from their circles, he didn't have to spend more time worrying about propriety and the family name than anything else. He looked at Barry and said nothing at first, even reached out to hold his hand against the side of his face. Now he'd have to hurt him, hurt them both. He was trying to commit the moment to memory, the moment where things could have gone differently. "I can't be with a boy, Barry. You can do better than that."

[gotspeed]

"Oh." Hartley couldn't be gay? That was it, wasn't it? Barry felt a weird stab of sadness for Hartley. He couldn't even be himself. Not ever. How was that fair? How was that a life. "I'm sorry." Barry said and hell, he meant it. He came in closer and rested his forehead against Hartley's, feeling a strange wave of sadness for losing this thing he never even realised he could have had. A moment ago he had no idea and now he knew and it was strange. It was like he'd just lost. "I wish it was different... I guess it can't ever be, right?" This was it. Their brief moment. "There's no way?"

[mostlyajerk]

"No, there's no way. My parents aren't forward thinking." To say the least. Hartley move his hand to cup the back of Barry's neck, resisting the urge to slide his hand into his hair. It was so nice to be close to someone like that. This was sad, but he supposed ultimately it was the best outcome he could have hoped for. "Thank you for not hating me." Barry could have done so many bad things with this, but instead he'd at least have one great kiss and a beautiful 'what if' to remember. "I want you to know that you're beautiful. I really like you. You're amazing, don't forget that."